We now return to the Seoul National Theater Production of The Music Man.
MAYOR SHINN
Now before we get on with our program I’d like to remind everyone that the Seoul Grand Sale will take place between July and August.
[PSS!]
What?Oh!I mean that the Seoul Grand Sale with NOT take place between July and August.Turns out no one told the stores about it.
Four score and seven years…
HAROLD HILL
I hear that American beef is coming into Korea!
WOMAN
Yeah, that’s what I heard.
MAYOR SHINN
Now, just wait one minute.
MAN
Well, is it coming in or isn’t it?
[Murmers]
MAYOR SHINN
Calm down!Calm down, and let us keep on with our program.
HAROLD HILL
Friends!Either you’re closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are unaware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of American beef in your community!
Well, you got trouble, my friend
I say trouble right in Han River City
Why sure, I’m a beef eater
Certainly mighty proud to say it
I’m always might proud to say it
I consider the hours I take
With a big juicy steak are golden
Helps you cultivate protein
And Vitamin D with a rib eye
Ever try and give a good slice to yourself from a pot roast in the pot?
Well, just as I say,
It takes judgment, brains and maturity to eat a Han-oo steak
I say that any boob can take and shove American beef in a ddeokbaeggi
And I call that wrong
The first big step on the road to the fall of the great Hyundai
I say, first, medicinal soup from a teaspoon
Then Creutzfeld-Jacob
And the next thing you know you’re beggin’ for money on a skateboard and rubber pants
And listenin’ to some big out-a-town wayguk hearin’ tellin about free trade gamblin’.
Not a wholesome protected market
But trade where you gotta give somethin’ back!
Like to see some stuck-up American makin’ profits from his investment?
Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say.
Now, friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
Ya got one, two, three American cows with BSE
Cows that mark the difference
Between Han-oo and disease
With a capital “D”
And that’s right near “F” and that stands for fool!
And all week long your Korean youth’ll be twitterin’ away
I say your young kids’ll be twitterin’
Text chattin’ away about mad cow rumors and protests.
Gotta go to the vigil
Never mind getting’ in SNU or goin’ to hagwons or studyin’ til dawn!
Never mind goin’ to cram schools ‘til the teachers are caught with study rooms empty on a Saturday night and that’s trouble,
Oh, yes we got lots and lot of trouble.
I’m talkin’ about the kids in the uniforms
Cell phoned young ones, goin’ to the PC bang after school
Trouble, folks!
Right in Han River City.
Trouble with a capital “T”
And that looks like “F” and that stands for FOOL!
Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.
I’m gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes on
Their Show Phones at City Hall?
“You can get mad cow from kissing!”
“Get it from tap water!”
“You can even get it from maxi pads!”
And “Someone in Korea has already died from it before it’s even entered the country!”
One fine night, they head to Gwanghwamun
Goin’ to the protests with the farmers
Candlelight vigils!Riot police!
And Candlegirl, a shameless logo that’ll grab your son and your daughter with the stench of fabricated cuteness!
Hysteria!
Friends, the mad cow brain is the devil’s playground!
Trouble!
Right in Han River City.
With a capital “T” that looks like “F” and that stands for FOOL!
We’ve surely got trouble!
Right in Han River City!
Gotta figure out a way to keep the Miguk beef out of our schools!
Mothers of Han River City!
Heed the warning before it’s too late!
Watch the April episode of “PD Notebook.”
That downer cow video, they say, is of a real mad cow!
Koreans are more susceptible to catching vCJD!
A woman in Virginia recently died from vCJD!
Sure, her mother and the Centers for Disease Control say otherwise, but would you believe them?
An Atlanta housewife said that American beef was dangerous, so believe her!
Are certain words creeping into our conversation?
Words like, “Bovine spongiform encephalopathy?”
Or “30 month old cows?”
Well, if so, my friends…
We got trouble!
Right in Han River City!
With a capital “T” and that looks like “F” and that stands for FOOL!
We surely got trouble!
Right in Han River City!
Remember Atlanta housewives do know more than experts too!
Oh, we’ve got trouble
We got terrible, terrible trouble
That beef with the fifty spangled stars is the devil’s tool!
Oh yes, we got trouble, trouble trouble!
With a “T”
And that looks like “F”
And that stands for FOOL!
[Sorry for the delay. The next SeoulPodcast episode is almost finished.]
