We now return to the Seoul National Theater Production of The Music Man.

MAYOR SHINN

Now before we get on with our program I’d like to remind everyone that the Seoul Grand Sale will take place between July and August.

[PSS!]

What?Oh!I mean that the Seoul Grand Sale with NOT take place between July and August.Turns out no one told the stores about it.

Four score and seven years…

HAROLD HILL

I hear that American beef is coming into Korea!

WOMAN

Yeah, that’s what I heard.

MAYOR SHINN

Now, just wait one minute.

MAN

Well, is it coming in or isn’t it?

[Murmers]

MAYOR SHINN

Calm down!Calm down, and let us keep on with our program.

HAROLD HILL

Friends!Either you’re closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are unaware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of American beef in your community!

Well, you got trouble, my friend

I say trouble right in Han River City

Why sure, I’m a beef eater

Certainly mighty proud to say it

I’m always might proud to say it

I consider the hours I take

With a big juicy steak are golden

Helps you cultivate protein

And Vitamin D with a rib eye

Ever try and give a good slice to yourself from a pot roast in the pot?

Well, just as I say,

It takes judgment, brains and maturity to eat a Han-oo steak

I say that any boob can take and shove American beef in a ddeokbaeggi

And I call that wrong

The first big step on the road to the fall of the great Hyundai

I say, first, medicinal soup from a teaspoon

Then Creutzfeld-Jacob

And the next thing you know you’re beggin’ for money on a skateboard and rubber pants

And listenin’ to some big out-a-town wayguk hearin’ tellin about free trade gamblin’.

Not a wholesome protected market

But trade where you gotta give somethin’ back!

Like to see some stuck-up American makin’ profits from his investment?

Make your blood boil?

Well, I should say.

Now, friends, lemme tell you what I mean.

Ya got one, two, three American cows with BSE

Cows that mark the difference

Between Han-oo and disease

With a capital “D”

And that’s right near “F” and that stands for fool!

And all week long your Korean youth’ll be twitterin’ away

I say your young kids’ll be twitterin’

Text chattin’ away about mad cow rumors and protests.

Gotta go to the vigil

Never mind getting’ in SNU or goin’ to hagwons or studyin’ til dawn!

Never mind goin’ to cram schools ‘til the teachers are caught with study rooms empty on a Saturday night and that’s trouble,

Oh, yes we got lots and lot of trouble.

I’m talkin’ about the kids in the uniforms

Cell phoned young ones, goin’ to the PC bang after school

Trouble, folks!

Right in Han River City.

Trouble with a capital “T”

And that looks like “F” and that stands for FOOL!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.

I’m gonna be perfectly frank.

Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes on

Their Show Phones at City Hall?

“You can get mad cow from kissing!”

“Get it from tap water!”

“You can even get it from maxi pads!”

And “Someone in Korea has already died from it before it’s even entered the country!”

One fine night, they head to Gwanghwamun

Goin’ to the protests with the farmers

Candlelight vigils!Riot police!

And Candlegirl, a shameless logo that’ll grab your son and your daughter with the stench of fabricated cuteness!

Hysteria!

Friends, the mad cow brain is the devil’s playground!

Trouble!

Right in Han River City.

With a capital “T” that looks like “F” and that stands for FOOL!

We’ve surely got trouble!

Right in Han River City!

Gotta figure out a way to keep the Miguk beef out of our schools!

Mothers of Han River City!

Heed the warning before it’s too late!

Watch the April episode of “PD Notebook.”

That downer cow video, they say, is of a real mad cow!

Koreans are more susceptible to catching vCJD!

A woman in Virginia recently died from vCJD!

Sure, her mother and the Centers for Disease Control say otherwise, but would you believe them?

An Atlanta housewife said that American beef was dangerous, so believe her!

Are certain words creeping into our conversation?

Words like, “Bovine spongiform encephalopathy?”

Or “30 month old cows?”

Well, if so, my friends…

We got trouble!

Right in Han River City!

With a capital “T” and that looks like “F” and that stands for FOOL!

We surely got trouble!

Right in Han River City!

Remember Atlanta housewives do know more than experts too!

Oh, we’ve got trouble

We got terrible, terrible trouble

That beef with the fifty spangled stars is the devil’s tool!

Oh yes, we got trouble, trouble trouble!

With a “T”

And that looks like “F”

And that stands for FOOL!

[Sorry for the delay.  The next SeoulPodcast episode is almost finished.]